Tomorrow I’m going away cooking again, for a week, up to Aberdeenshire. Yesterday, for some reason I was full of fear about it. Possibly because a lot of the recipes I was thinking of not ones I was fully confident about, the last couple of jobs I’ve been on I’ve stayed firmly in my comfort zone but the paperwork for this one seemed to be full of fiddly unknown entities. Relaxing earlier as I drew up my shopping list I took stock of my jobs in the past and wondered what I was really worried about this time, because after a year of cooking I feel as if I cannot be caught off guard in the same way I once was. Not to say I’ve seen it all. Far from it. Instead now when I’m in the kitchen, I can reach a place of inner calm, when in my head everything is cooking to the same bell to be ready just when it is needed and to turn out just as beautiful and as tasty as expected.
There have been times even when I have felt supreme confidence, almost as if I was totally capable. These feelings are rare and usually fleeting, perhaps that’s what keeps my feet on the ground. I always give myself too much time to prepare, expecting something to go wrong, as a result my clients always see me taking my time, relaxed and chatty, almost as if I were enjoying myself! Possibly I need a clearer balance however, to still be nervous enough to give myself time to prepare fabulous food but also confident enough to not have horrors the day before a job.